Maintaining Strong Relationships

Prov 18:19 CEV) Making up with a friend you have offended is harder than breaking through a city wall.

Here Solomon teaches us something we would do well in learning from; and it is about avoiding offences. The word used for "friend" here is also translated "brother." This word can refer to a blood relative or a close friend.

The point is that once you offend a blood relative or a close friend the reconciliation process can be very difficult.

Solomon's readers were very familiar with the warfare of the time. The rise and fall of kings and kingdoms was a commonplace. To protect themselves and their citizens, kings often had large walls erected around their cities. Breaking through a city wall (especially one that was properly constructed) was no easy task. The people of Solomon's day were very familiar with the seemingly impenetrable city walls. This is the picture Solomon chooses to paint.

He tells us that it is easier to break through a city wall than to reconcile a broken relationship with a brother or close friend.

Why are quarrels between relatives and close friends so hard to get over? I believe it may be because the two people involved were so close to each other. When you really love someone you create strong emotional ties and you often put down your natural defenses, making you vulnerable. After a person puts down their guard and exposes their true self to another person, the level of trust is raised and strong bonds are formed.

However, when that trust is violated the level of hurt, pain, resentment, and even hatred may equal or exceed the original level of trust. A breach trust is a hard pill to swallow. If a stranger does you wrong it is much easier to deal with than if your close confidant or blood brother/sister does the same thing. That is why many divorces get very ugly very quickly.

Love can turn to hate, trust to suspicion, and care to callousness in a hurry.

The Bible documents several examples of blood brothers and close friends who had a 'falling out.' These examples include: Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and 10 of his brothers, Amnon and Absalom, and Paul and Barnabas. Some were able to recover from the rift and restore the relationship, while others were not.

Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (Mat 18:15-17).

Jesus' point was that you should make every attempt to reconcile the relationship with someone who wrong's you. Not every relationship will be reconciled, but you must at least make the attempt at reconciliation.

So what does this mean to you Two things:

1) Avoid offence at all costs; this can all be avoided if we simply walk in love.

2) If an offence does occur, then seek address it quickly and fully. The longer it festers the worse it gets.

Father, I thank You for this lesson this morning and I also thank You for the many close relationships You have blessed me with. I will do all I can to maintain a healthy environment between me and those close to me. If I ever cause offence and it is brought to my attention I will quickly apologize and seek reconciliation. If I am every offended I will not nurse and rehearse the offence, because I know that the longer it festers the worse it will be. I will instead quickly address the matter with the offender. I refuse to give the devil any space in my relationships. I will not allow the enemy, myself, or anyone else to destroy what You have blessed me with! I walk in love today and every day. In Jesus' name. Amen!