Are you in Control of Yourself?

(Prov 12:16 NLT) A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.


This morning we continue our series In this verse Solomon contrasts how the wise are able to maintain control over their emotions when insulted, while the foolish are quick-tempered and lose control easily.

Some people are better at leading than others, but since we are all leaders (to some extent), we should all develop the leadership traits required to be successful in life. One of the greatest things a leader can do is to work on is leading himself well. If you can't lead yourself well, you are not going to be effective at leading others.

What Solomon teaches us this morning is that a wise person is able to control him or herself, while a fool easily loses control. The example Solomon uses is an insult. Now, insults are not nice and there are almost never welcomed. It's not like you and I go around asking to be insulted, but if we are, we must have self-control required to not 'fly off the handle.'

If we allow our external to dictate the condition of our internal we will never be able to live a stable life. Our external is going to fluctuate. There are days where we are going to like what happens and days where we will not like what happens, but either way, as a believer, we should have the ability to maintain an internal stability, even when everything (externally) is unstable.

I can use Solomon's father (David) as a good example. A few days ago I taught you about his encounter with Goliath. Before David ever got to fight Goliath he had to deal several negative people. First his eldest brother (Eliab) berated him in front of the Israeli soldiers.

David was simply inquiring about Goliath and what would be done for the person who fights him, when his brother - upset about the fact that David was picked over him (in 1st Samuel chapter 16) - publicly scolded and sought to humiliate David in front of his peers. This was a golden opportunity for David to retaliate.

He could have fought fire with fire. He could have allowed his brother's anger and insults to stir up his own anger. But what David do? He simple ignored his brother and continued on with his mission. When he finally got to stand before the king and he told Saul that he was ready to fight, Saul did everything but laugh at David.

Saul flat-out told him that he could not fight Goliath. The king publicly told him that he was too young and too inexperienced. So how did David react? Did he allow those negative words to discourage him? No! He simply ignored them, he went on to convince the king that he could do it, and he then got his chance. The rest, as they say, is history. But what if David had allowed his brother's anger or Saul's doubt to stir up negative emotions in his life? What if David had gotten upset? Well, he would have never defeated Goliath and I would not be talking about him today.

Later in Proverbs Solomon said, "A foolish person lets his anger run wild. But a wise person keeps himself under control" (29:11). That's the point here. We must be in control of our emotions, our mind, and ourselves if we are going to be successful in life.

So what does this mean to you? It means that we are called to walk by faith, not by feelings (2nd Cor 5:7). When someone annoys or insults you, your first reaction may be to retaliate, but you must develop the ability to control your emotions. Solomon also said, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (15:1).

Instead of responding to anger with more anger, if you learn to speak a gentle word to a volatile situation you will actually be controlling your internal, which will in turn have a direct affect on your external!

Father, I thank You for helping me to develop the ability to control and lead myself well. I will not allow my external to dictate the condition of my internal. I walk by faith, not by feelings. I rule over my emotions and I don't allow my emotions to rule over me. I develop patience and self-control. I speak gentle words to volatile situations. My words of peace are able to disarm and calm the angry. I am a peacemaker, not a peace-breaker! In Jesus' name. Amen!