The Pain Associated with Change

The Pain Associated with True Change

(Prov 19:19 NIrV) Anyone who burns with anger must pay for it. If you save him, you will have to do it again.

This morning we continue in the book of Proverbs. Here Solomon teaches us a lesson that is a hard one to learn for parents, Pastors, and loved ones to learn. When you love someone and you see him or her in trouble your immediate reaction is to help get him or her out. However, Solomon teaches us here that there is a level of goodness in allowing someone to deal with the repercussions of their actions.

See, God has created a system of laws and principles - like sowing and reaping, cause and effect, and the free will of humans - that governs the earth. So, not only WILL we be judged some day, but our actions are regularly judged and we are either rewarded or punished accordingly. Good or bad, we are supposed to reap whatever we sow. That's why I often say, "If you don't like the harvest you are reaping, check the seed you are sowing."

The issue comes when we want to step in and rescue someone from the consequences of bad decisions, because we love them and we don't want to see them experience pain. The Message Bible paraphrase of this verse reads: "Let angry people endure the backlash of their own anger; if you try to make it better, you'll only make it worse." Our base translation tells us that we have to allow them to pay for what they have done, because if we do not, they will find themselves in that situation again and we will have to continue to rescue them. What it comes down to is this: If you get someone out of a bind, but you fail to change their mind, then it is only a matter of time before they do it again. Mind renewal is the key. Solomon is talking about hot-tempered people, but the same holds true for anything else. If someone has an issue with something their mind must be renewed, by the Word of God, concerning it, if they are ever going to experience Christian progress.

In "Mental Toughness for Success" the use something called "DARE Method for Change."

DARE stands for:
Decide: Decide what you want to change and what you want to look like after you have changed.
Associate: Associate real pain with your old behavior. To me, this is the key. If someone does not associate real pain with their old behavior, they will never truly want to change. And if we always rescue them from the pain, then we are actually helping them stay in their flawed state. We must allow them to experience the pain, even though it is painful, so that they can develop the DESIRE to change.

They go on to say: List the worst possible thing that could happen if you do not change. List the best possible thing that can happen if you do.

Recall: Recall the experiences that have kept you down in the past. Until you deal with your past defeat, you may never change.

Envision: Envision yourself as the "totally new" you; like your mentor or model. Who do you want to be like?

So what does this mean to you? It means that if you love someone, you must love him or her enough to allow them to experience whatever they need to experience to bring about true change. Don't rescue them from every mistake. The sting of real pain may be what they need to get to the point where they desire true change!

Father I thank You for changing me and for leading me concerning those I love. Just like it took mind renewal for me to change, it will take mind renewal for my loved ones to change as well. I commit them to You and I trust You to work in and through them to bring about the change You desire in their lives. I am ready and willing to do all that You need me to do, but I do not want to stifle their progress. If You lead me to pull-back, I will, even though it might pain me to do it. My concern is their ultimate well being and Christian progress. True change starts today in me and in those I love! In Jesus' name. Amen!